I've recently hit the physical landslide and it seems to be setting off my hormonal outbursts. Halfway through my pregnancy, my boobs were fantastic, and when I say fantastic, I mean porn star fantastic! I could hardly believe how full and perky they were. The size was perfect, and I was in heaven. And then I woke up a mere week later to find myself staring at my naked reflection in the mirror in complete disbelief. I've been told that after pregnancy, boobs change. But somehow, the world forgot to mention that this transition slides right in before you can hold and snuggle a little baby to help you escape from your physical reality.
So first I should explain what drew me to stare at myself in the mirror while wearing my birthday suit. While cleaning the house, I made the mistake of not wearing a bra. That's when I first noticed the difference. My breasts were rubbing against my stomach, causing a sweaty irritation. I found myself holding and lifting my "girls" with one hand while I was dusting with the other. Now I suppose the average person would adhere to their body and put on a bra. But not I, for I wanted an explanation that could only be offered through examination. So to the mirror I went. My first focus was that the size that I had recently admired so much had taken a drastic shift for with size comes weight. That newfound weight of my new breasts were now being pulled downwards. I have surpassed my size to comfort ratio.
In addition to the early arrival of the form shape is the arrival of Spiderman. He moved into my breasts, built a home, and sprayed his webs without a signed lease. I am now a blue-veined Spiderwoman ready to nurse the world.
My next mistake was going bra shopping the same day as my new discoveries. Leave it to me to take the dressing room directly next to a group of fresh-faced teenaged girls. As I passed them in the fitting room, I couldn't help but stare at their selections; lace, cotton, no lining, sheer, underwire, fancy, pretty, sexy, beautiful. Then I looked down at my selection; full support, black, white, thick strapped. Can we shout out MOM BRA? And then the thoughts passed through my head and I couldn't resist sharing my input with the girls.
"Ladies, take hold of your breasts! Wear them up, wear them big, and wear them beautiful. Flaunt them and appreciate them for they are on loan. You will one day lose your beauty and perkiness, so while you can, don't be afraid to share your breasts with the world. Embrace low cut, embrace v-necks, and treat the world to a day of you bra-free. For never again will your nipples stand so beautifully and your breasts so perky. Stand tall, dear girls, and share your breasts!"
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