Finding a Purpose/Size Means Everything

I truly believe that everyone has that one thing in which they find their hidden talent. I've been searching for mine for quite some time. The first, and only, time I went skiing, I spent more time on my butt than on the skis and left with multiple foot-long bruises and welts. As a matter of fact, I had children whizzing by me offering help.  I vowed to never ski again. That definitely was not my thing. My hand-eye coordination is about as good as someone who is missing hands or eyes, so I'm obviously horrible at sports. I was even known to cry when forced to play second base in softball as a child. There went that idea. Being that I'm a clutz, I became no shining star while dancing. One more niche down the drain! Still, there has to be something. 

Earlier this week, at my nineteen week sonogram, as I was making out the difference between aliens and my son-to-be, it came to me. I may not be athletic, and I may not be the best artist or singer, but maybe my purpose has more to do with what comes from within, literally. I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming urge to care for and love this little being that was growing before my eyes. Maybe my purpose is to be a mom and love with all of my heart. 

Now if only learning to appreciate my purpose from "within" will help to erase the knowledge and fear that "within" will soon enough rip it's way out... which brings me to the topic of delivery. 

Those who know my husband know he is no small man at 6'1'' and 225 pounds. Being under 5'2'', I can only stress knowing that my fetus is carrying his DNA. Based on my track history, I can only imagine that my delivery will involve more than simplicity, but rather a story to remember and a story of a doctor saying, "Well, this is rare!" as they so often do say to me. Just so you know just how much of a stressor this has become in my life, I actually brought this topic to my obstetrician's attention. As we discussed vaginal delivery verses cesarean, only one neurotic focus was on my mind and there was no way to explain this delicately. "HAVE YOU SEEN THE SIZE OF MY HUSBAND'S HEAD!?"  But good news to me, my doctor agreed to do a sonogram at week 37 to determine the babies size and the practicality of vaginal delivery. Obvious to me, my doctor DID take note of the size of Marc's head.