MY INTERPRETATION: I can't stop eating. When you are pregnant every food is game at all hours of the day and night. A full sandwich followed by an entire package of cookies at 11 p.m.? Perfect! A bag of popcorn followed by a bowl of pasta right before bed? Why not!! You can't sleep on an overstuffed belly.
MYTH: Your breasts get larger in order to prepare for breast feeding.
MY INTERPRETATION: Since the rest of your body becomes alarmingly huge, you need larger breasts to counter balance your butt. This also happens in order to keep your partner attracted to you.
MYTH: You become hornier and more easily aroused because of the increased blood flow "down below".
MY INTERPRETATION: God has a cruel sense of humor. Your butt keeps growing, your fat keeps jiggling, and all you can think about is having sex, but only with the lights off of course.
MYTH: Avoid soft cheeses and fish in order to maintain your pregnancy health.
MY INTERPRETATION: Have you ever actually taken the time to smell fish or soft cheese? Ugh. It's nearly as bad as a man's gym socks! This is a horror to a pregnant nose!
MYTH: Your nose becomes stuffed during pregnancy because of the increased blood flow.
MY INTERPRETATION: Your nose is very sensitive to smell during pregnancy. When was the last time you rolled over and smelled your husband's breath in the middle of the night?! Plus, have you ever noticed the smell that men give off when they sleep? It's not always that clean and fresh scent that we women love. Our nighttime stuffiness is our savior during pregnancy!
MYTH: Hormones in pregnancy can cause mood swings.
MY INTERPRETATION: When women live together, they eventually get on the same menstrual cycle. Their hormones align. Since women are so easily affected by each other, it is only natural that men react too. Men think they have us figured out, but things change once we become pregnant. New hormones are soaring and men start to react to this increase in hormones and estrogen by becoming more feminine. They become more womenly and overly sensitive to basic situations. Naturally, this causes a woman to become irritated, which men try to pass off as a mood swing. So I believe that all pregnant mood swings are at fault of men. (Plus, they got us in this position anyway!)
MYTH: Your nails and hair grow extremely fast and look healthier than ever due to pre-natal vitamins.
MY INTERPRETATION: This happens in order to give pregnant women something else to obsess over instead of their ever-expanding stomachs.
LOL - soo funny. You should think about turning this into a book about getting through pregnancy with humor! I'm serious! This is how you can make your millions!!
ReplyDeleteI'm a genius. =)