A Day at the Mall

With a wedding quickly approaching at one month away, the what-to-wear panic has already set in. Although it's not my wedding and I'm not even in the wedding party, it's no lie that a pregnant woman attracts attention. AS I let my egotistical mind wander here, I can only imagine myself going if I look better than OK. That being said, it was imperative to find a dress to model a cute pregnant woman. But what size will I be on one month? And what about a dress for that other wedding three weeks before my due date? Will I be bold enough to wear heels or will I have already succumbed to "quiters" as I've been told sweatpants should be called? So a trip to the mall was set. 

While trying on maternity dresses it occurred to me that maternity dress design must be an industry predominately run by men. Here I am with a brand new rack, perky and ready to see the world, never having been exposed before, yet not one dress was daring enough to dip below the neckline.  I found and fought with the ruffles. And, I tied and retied bows. Who in their right mind would think of putting large space-filling bows on the butts and backsides of already growing butts and backsides? Only those who have never had their butts and backsides constantly expanding - a man.

After finally finding a dress, I meandered over to the next problematic section...the bras. Yes, I have already come to terms with the fact that they grow and change. But as the sales woman gave me the statistics as to the extent of growth during pregnancy, I was once again befuddled. Then came the question of whether or not an underwire was necessary. I've never not had one so why not? That's when the next realization came. As your stomach grows upward, your breasts grow downward. Now picture this happening for several months and the two are bound to meet. I can only think about the dirt and grime left to linger in the fat roles on Fat Bastard in Austin Powers. No dirt in this crevice! However, a wire jammed between two mounds suddenly seems much less appealing. So not only have I given up my entire wardrobe, my bras are now too packed away for a thinner and less "moundier" day.